Forgot the valentines for school...I felt bad about it, but my son doesn't seem to care

Like many schools in the Northeast, my DS had a snow day for Valentine's Day (he is in preschool, but it is part of a larger school).  Actually, he was hardly in school the two weeks prior due to snow days, sickness, etc (he attends 3 days per week).  Last week was school vacation week, so his class had a belated Valentine's Day party yesterday.  I felt like a total flake...he brought home a painted bag with little valentines and treats from his various classmates.  I know that there are 17 or 18 kids in his class, so I counted the little cards.  He was probably one of maybe two or three kids who didn't distribute valentines.  Most of the cards also had his name on it; I was thinking, "I must have missed the memo, because I didn't get a list of names for this."  It is very possible that I DID miss the memo, since DS was absent the Friday before Valentine's week and they usually send home notices on Fridays.  Not to mention, with DD and DS taking turns being sick for the last few weeks, teaching, school vacation, deadlines coming and going with my diss proposal and trying to do marathon work sessions this past weekend to submit a fairly complete draft, getting the valentine cards slipped my mind.  To be honest, I was also unsure if they were going to be distributing cards.  Since I've been feeling unreasonably guilty about this, I started to look through some of DS's old school papers.  I noticed the January newsletter from his teachers; it did mention at the end that a Valentine's party was going to be planned for Feb, and that a list of the students' names would be distributed ahead of time.  I must have missed that, or I must have just forgotten.  I even saw some cards on sale when I took DS to the store on Sunday, but I thought, "they probably aren't going to do anything at this point."  Ah well.  I just feel like the lone flaky parent who forgot.  I even forgot to get little cards for both DD and DS to distribute at day care, but I noticed that only a select few of the kids actually distributed cards there (well, mostly the parents did, of course, since the majority of the kids are 3 and under!).

The whole point of this rant is that I don't know why I feel so bad about this whole thing.  I even kept saying last night to DS, "I'm sorry that I forgot to send cards with you to school."  He could have honestly cared less-- he was more excited about the cards and treats he got, and he really didn't care much WHO each cards was from.  (Of course, being in preschool, he can identify letters but he really can't read the names anyway).  Then, why do I feel so bad??? I remember a similar thing happened last year with something at his old preschool, and I posted something on facebook about it.  Several parents made comments saying that they've done these things at many points of time in the past; it is human to do so, and it isn't going to ruin your kids' lives if you forget stuff like this every now and then.  Of course, part of it has to do with the fact that I feel so busy and scatter-brained, despite having an online and print calendar; sometimes I feel like all of this is taking over my life and I WISH that I had more time to put more thought into these little things.  However, as was pointed out by my fellow parent friends, our kids often have a different point of view.  They remember other things that are more significant.  For instance, fun, quality time that we've spent with them, even if it doesn't seem major to us-- like going to a playground, or taking them to a museum.  I guess that I should just let this incident go.  After all, it wasn't deliberate.  My son was more excited that he got to see his friends after almost 2 weeks; he also had his first swim lesson yesterday; he was happier about the time we were able to spend together at a museum on Friday and the time that he was able to spend with friends and family at a cousin's birthday party on Saturday. 

As parents, we are just often too hard on ourselves. 

Advice that I should take myself #2 (ok, some of this I actually have applied on various occasions)

I just came across this link and I can definitely say "amen" to it:

http://3monththesis.com/7-and-a-half-unconventional-tips-for-thesis-writers-and-phd-researchers/

Another point  I would like to make on this beautiful, unseasonably warm (especially compared to the horrible winter we've been having) day:

1.  Do cognitive behavioral therapy on yourself.  I need to do this today.  My husband took the kids out so that I could get my proposal draft done (or at least mostly done) since I told my chair I would get it to her by Monday.  Right now, I would rather go outside.  I would have rather gone with them since they went 2 hours away to a family member's birthday party.  However, I know that I need this time to get work done.  I didn't have as much time during the week because my son was off from school, both kids were sick for half the week, and I myself wasn't feeling to great.  Not to mention, I had to teach 4/5 days.  If I keep telling myself that I feel down because I couldn't go with them and because I really need to go outside and soak up some Vitamin D, I'll be less motivated.  I need to tell myself that I CAN do this, I CAN make progress today, and I WILL.  Maybe I can tell myself that if I get 2-3 solid hours of work done, I can go out and buy myself some much needed clothing with my Christmas gift cards, or even stomp around for a few minutes in the melting snow outside to soak up some rays (making sure that I'm not clobbered by snow and ice sliding off the roof). As a PhD student, I can't go outside ALL day on every single nice day.  Sometimes the schedule just works out that way, and it's ok.  Also, I can't keep telling myself that I feel guilty that my husband took the kids alone.  He's had weekend days and evenings where he's had to do work, so we have to make it work.

Advice that I should take myself #1

Well, it has (once again) been a crazy busy semester (I guess that's no surprise).  I'm teaching 2 classes at 2 different colleges-- one is a new prep for me and is turning out to be a little more work than I had originally planned (again, why am I surprised by that?  I shouldn't be).  The good news:  I got through one draft of my dissertation proposal, and have been in the process of editing that draft.  I've had to do some additional reading to strengthen certain sections of the proposal.  Unfortunately, most of my notes from that reading haven't made it into the proposal yet.  Can we say, crazy winter?  Between snow days and children's illnesses, I've gotten a bit thrown off.  I seriously think that I have some issues with concentration.  I'm one of those people who can't read (and comprehend) well with ANY background noise (TV, music, kids, etc).  Not to mention writing.  I used to be able to listen to music and write papers in undergrad...I honestly don't know what happened between then and now (well, it has been several years...).  I wish that I was one of those people who could go to a coffee shop, bookstore, or even library (well, the latter establishments are supposed to be quiet, but not always) and get a good amount of work done.  Anyways...I've already gotten thrown off from the original stuff I wanted to say by talking about how I get distracted.

As a means of holding myself accountable, I wanted to start doing some regular postings (not sure how I would define "regular" yet) entitled, "advice that I should take myself."  Much of these are going to fall into the realm of time management-- something I really need to get a better handle on.  So, here are a few of my random thoughts for the first post in this very informal series:

1.  Make YOUR academic work a priority.  If you are teaching as an adjunct instructor whilst working on any aspect of your dissertation (proposal, research, writing the final product), put your dissertation work first.  Of course, you have to prep for your class, but don't overdo it.  Give yourself a set amount of time each week and try not to exceed that time limit.  One of my advisors told me once that we often over prepare for class, and in the end all of that "over preparation" doesn't do us or the students any better.  Even when it comes to grading-- students will be anxious and ask about grades.  I usually try to get things back within a week, but sometimes I've had to increase that time limit due to various circumstances (size of the class, type of assignment, personal circumstances, other deadlines, etc).  I try to give them a rough estimate of when they can expect grades, but no one is perfect.  Some students will be less anxious and more understanding than others.  Some could honestly care less.  The whole point is, give your best time to your dissertation work, or comprehensive exam prep, or whatever you are working on at the time being in your program.  Try not to get aggravated or give too much emotional energy to demanding students.  Again, I am trying to work on this myself, and I need to take my own advice. 

2.  Try to use (or at least TRY) a time management program/technique.  I've heard quite a bit about the pomodoro (or tomato) technique.  I even downloaded an app on my phone for it.  Try to focus on specific tasks for a short amount of time (I think the pomodoro suggests 25 minutes) or maybe a few chunks of time before giving yourself a break/small reward.  Theoretically, this can help with issues related to distraction; may apps allow you to track your productivity over a longer period of time.  I'm still in the process of figuring out tasks related to my proposal that will fit into smaller time frames so that I am not overwhelmed by what I know should be the end product.  I've already been doing this with a part-time research job I am doing for one of my advisors, but I also need to increase my productivity with that. 

3.  Think of "odd" times throughout the day where you can fit work in.    This goes along with #2.  I admit, I have gotten away from this this semester between the snow days and sicknesses.  I've also just been feeling so dang tired in the evenings, not to mention all of the household duties, spending time with the kids, etc.  Ok, and the Olympics has been a distraction; there are 1 or 2 Hindi serials I like to watch at night.  However, I know that there are some tasks I could do after the kids go to bed that don't require as much concentration as fitting my reading notes into my proposal draft.  Can I update my references section while watching a show?  Can I search for some articles for my research job?  Alas, I know that I need to do this to make my time during the day less hectic, but it is hard. 

And of course, as I've mentioned before, I want to spend time with my family and it is hard to get much done anyways when everyone is home.  Needless to say, the weekends haven't been a good time for me to get much work done.  We always feel like we're playing catch up with everything else we have to do.  I'm going to have to figure something out soon, since we most likely won't be able to afford much child care in the summer and we might have to go back to sending DD part time in the fall.  That is another issue that has been stressing me out, especially since I am still scheduled to teach a class in the fall and I am hoping that I will be in the process of conducting my research by then, but I guess we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.  For now, I really have to get to work!

To all dealing with ice and snow, stay safe and warm!!!