Right off the bat, I want to say that I cannot believe that October is upon us. Time continues to get away from us; by using the pronoun "us" I am really trying to highlight my own perpetual frustrations with time management that are somewhat minimized by referring to myself as part of a frustrated collective.
In mid-August, I was pretty content with the fact that I was only going to be teaching one course. However, financial realities set in. How to afford preschool tuition and any amount of day care if I only taught one course (even though I am privileged in the sense that my husband has a decent job)? What about other bills, like the continuation tuition that I have to pay? Fast forward, I am teaching a total of 3 courses throughout this semester at 2 different institutions. I am thankful for the opportunities, nevertheless, I am struggling to give priority to my dissertation research. I want my students to have an optimal learning environment; I want to give substantial feedback on their assignments. However, I would by lying if I said that the focus on my dissertation wasn't suffering as a result. Not to mention, I've been trying to be especially intentional about focusing on my kids when I am with them, but I would also be fibbing if I said that the stress of constantly thinking about what I should do next doesn't influence my demeanor. Another case in point-- my husband wanted to go on a mini foliage scouting trip over the long weekend- maybe just a day trip, or maybe overnight since we can get a discount. Aside from my back problems and the thought of my pain level after sitting in the car for an extended period of time, I just didn't feel too inclined to agree to it due to all these things swirling around in my head (and, of course, the fact that I need to get a lot done in a short amount of time over the next few weeks).
Sometimes, despite the financial obvious, teaching whilst trying to work on a dissertation seems counterproductive, especially when one is paying for child care. I take on more classes to make more money so that I can pay my tuition and other bills, yes, but a decent chunk of the change inevitably goes to pay day care. Of course, I use a good amount of the time that my kids are in day care/preschool to work on stuff related to the courses that I teach. However, I also use a good amount of time to work on my dissertation and other academic projects. I have to tell myself that if I didn't have child care, I wouldn't even have time to do the latter. Yes, maybe I could work in the evenings and on weekends, but in all honesty, not every person and household allows for that. Also, my kids are benefitting in many ways from preschool and child care. Yes, mommy guilt is there sometimes, but overall, I'm just frustrated about the time I'm spending on teaching at the expense of my dissertation research.
I know that I need to give priority to my dissertation (did I say that already? Maybe I did). I have to tell myself, my students won't suffer if they have to wait an extra couple of days for an assignment. Also, they probably won't suffer if I cut down a bit on prep time. However, my wallet will suffer if I have to take an extra semester to finish my dissertation (and hence pay more tuition). Also, my overall well-being might take a hit if I don't finish well. From now on, I need to set aside a whole entire day per week to work on my dissertation, from morning till evening. No grading, no course prep, etc. I've been trying to do that today, despite the fact that I had to teach my 8 a.m. class this morning (I know, that's not an entire day). I have to remember, that this dissertation is my main job right now, although I love teaching and have a responsibility to my students. Of course, I can't ignore that responsibility, but that will also suffer if I don't do something to overcome the frustration of not making my research my main priority, at least in my own "work" world. As alluded to above, work-life/work-family balance does add another dimension to the equation.
In mid-August, I was pretty content with the fact that I was only going to be teaching one course. However, financial realities set in. How to afford preschool tuition and any amount of day care if I only taught one course (even though I am privileged in the sense that my husband has a decent job)? What about other bills, like the continuation tuition that I have to pay? Fast forward, I am teaching a total of 3 courses throughout this semester at 2 different institutions. I am thankful for the opportunities, nevertheless, I am struggling to give priority to my dissertation research. I want my students to have an optimal learning environment; I want to give substantial feedback on their assignments. However, I would by lying if I said that the focus on my dissertation wasn't suffering as a result. Not to mention, I've been trying to be especially intentional about focusing on my kids when I am with them, but I would also be fibbing if I said that the stress of constantly thinking about what I should do next doesn't influence my demeanor. Another case in point-- my husband wanted to go on a mini foliage scouting trip over the long weekend- maybe just a day trip, or maybe overnight since we can get a discount. Aside from my back problems and the thought of my pain level after sitting in the car for an extended period of time, I just didn't feel too inclined to agree to it due to all these things swirling around in my head (and, of course, the fact that I need to get a lot done in a short amount of time over the next few weeks).
Sometimes, despite the financial obvious, teaching whilst trying to work on a dissertation seems counterproductive, especially when one is paying for child care. I take on more classes to make more money so that I can pay my tuition and other bills, yes, but a decent chunk of the change inevitably goes to pay day care. Of course, I use a good amount of the time that my kids are in day care/preschool to work on stuff related to the courses that I teach. However, I also use a good amount of time to work on my dissertation and other academic projects. I have to tell myself that if I didn't have child care, I wouldn't even have time to do the latter. Yes, maybe I could work in the evenings and on weekends, but in all honesty, not every person and household allows for that. Also, my kids are benefitting in many ways from preschool and child care. Yes, mommy guilt is there sometimes, but overall, I'm just frustrated about the time I'm spending on teaching at the expense of my dissertation research.
I know that I need to give priority to my dissertation (did I say that already? Maybe I did). I have to tell myself, my students won't suffer if they have to wait an extra couple of days for an assignment. Also, they probably won't suffer if I cut down a bit on prep time. However, my wallet will suffer if I have to take an extra semester to finish my dissertation (and hence pay more tuition). Also, my overall well-being might take a hit if I don't finish well. From now on, I need to set aside a whole entire day per week to work on my dissertation, from morning till evening. No grading, no course prep, etc. I've been trying to do that today, despite the fact that I had to teach my 8 a.m. class this morning (I know, that's not an entire day). I have to remember, that this dissertation is my main job right now, although I love teaching and have a responsibility to my students. Of course, I can't ignore that responsibility, but that will also suffer if I don't do something to overcome the frustration of not making my research my main priority, at least in my own "work" world. As alluded to above, work-life/work-family balance does add another dimension to the equation.
No comments:
Post a Comment